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"Yes, but not with anyone else. Even you admit one of the reasons you don't assert yourself as an individual is that you're afraid people will see you as you've always seen your father. You'd rather just blend in and not be noticed, or at least be so agreeable no one could object to you. But the Silas I've grown to love over the years isn't at all like the man you describe your father to be. You're a great guy, bright, educated, caring, funny, sometimes a bit of a bitch, but then who isn't on occasion?"

"I know I've got to find myself, as they used to say in the sixties, and do it pretty soon. I realize I can't keep up this aimless life much longer. I'm surprised I'm still doing as well as I am as an escort at my age. Most of the other guys at the service are in their early to mid-twenties. Nobody wants an old whore, you know."

"I'm not trying to depress you, Silas, but it's time for you to grow up and decide what you want out of life. I'm beginning to think that staying here for a while may be a good thing for you. It's a chance for you to take a step back from your life and think about what's really important. Unfortunately, living in this isolation isn't going to do much for your love life though."

"Living in a gay ghetto for a dozen years hasn't exactly been the best for it either. I think I'm the only guy in Chelsea who hasn't had at least one serious boyfriend. If I spent any more time hanging out in the clubs I'd probably develop a serious drinking problem. But even in the cruisiest bars I never get hit on."

"I've seen you in clubs and you don't just send out the wrong signals, you usually send out no signals at all. You're a good-looking guy, Silas, but somehow you tend to blend into the crowd. You act like you're not looking for anything so no one realizes you're available."

"So now you're an expert on cruising?"

"Hey, I get lucky a lot more than you do. It couldn't hurt to take my Rulertube advice."

The way my love life had been it couldn't hurt to take anyone's advice. Whatever I was doing on my own sure wasn't working.

Sunday morning we went to a local farm and garden center and bought seeds and small plants for the vegetable garden. Mom had always started the garden a few weeks earlier than this but it wasn't too late. I'd decided to plant only about a third of the garden. That would yield plenty of veggies for Dad and me and enough to put up in the fall as well.

Livy and I were just finishing up the planting in mid-afternoon when Uncle Frank and Aunt Mary dropped by. Supposedly they were there to drop off a casserole and pie she'd baked for Dad and me but I was sure they'd heard about Livy and had come by to check her out. We put the food in the refrigerator and I took out a pitcher of iced tea I'd made and poured glasses for Livy, Aunt Mary and me. Uncle Frank helped himself to the Jack Daniels. We all went out to sit on the front porch where they told me about their visit to the hospital the day before.

"He's not looking too good, Silas. Are you sure he should come home tomorrow?"

"It's not up to me. The doctors know a lot more about that than I do. But I'm sure he wants to get out of there and come home. I would imagine he's not a good patient."

"You know how independent he's always been." I would have used words like stubborn or ornery but Uncle Frank was Dad's best friend so you'd expect him to go with a gentler term. "It's got to be tough on him being told what he can and can't do."

"I'm going to try not to boss him around too much but he'll have to cooperate. As long as he takes care of himself and does what the doctor wants I won't have to tell him anything."

When Livy went into the house for the iced tea pitcher and bottle of whiskey, Uncle Frank smiled after her then gave me a thumbs up sign to Rulertube. Aunt Mary leaned toward me and also smiled.

"I like your girlfriend, Silas. She's sweet."